brunette

Ladies and gentlemen, let me please reintroduce you to Blow Job’s older, yet more unattractive and messier brother, Hand Job. Yes, that’s right, cunts and boners, the hand job is desperate need of a rejuvenation, a rebirth – a renaissance of sorts. While many of your senior prom/high school memories contain your pimp-faced, brace-teethed girlfriend/boyfriend tugging at your hard meat, or fiddling with your pussy – you know the moments where you’re wish s/he’d just get down on there and lick around and suck so you can finally get off – you might think that the hand job was long and dead in your sexual career, but behold! It doesn’t have to be that way.

The hand job is the perfect birthday gift, a sure way to get your lover off without the problems of lock jaw, the smelly regions after a hard day’s work or the wandering pubic hair stuck between your teeth. And the best part of the hand job? You can perform it in front of your guest in the discretion of a table or blanket and will never catch you with your mouth on his Johnson or your tongue lapping at her hive.

So ladies and gentlemen, you can have your hand job today! All you have to do is ask and thou shall receive.

Very few men can actually admit to making their women squirt. It’s an illustrious sexual event and those of us who have hunted in the tangles of shaven and unshaven pussy have attempted achievement. And while I’m here to share sexual fantasies with you, today I have decided to teach you that the achievement can’t always be found within your pants. I don’t care that you have the holiest of grails hidden with your denim and boxers, chances are, if you don’t know what you’re doing, a big dick is pretty much useless to you.

Eating her pussy out is one of the many ways of achieving the squirt. Don’t mimic what you see on your stroke books or skin flicks, but instead educate yourself about the anatomy of the cunt. My suggestion is to read Ian Kerner’s She Comes First. Most of my discoveries in making my lovers cum is through the magic of my hands, as all female orgasms are clitoral orgasms, even ones that take place vaginally.

So give your girlfriend/wife/mistress/hooker something to gush about tonight and become an experienced lover. She’ll be cumming back for more.

Forgive me. Before I begin I would like to make it clear that the girlfriend has small tits. Sometimes small tits are fine, but the after awhile the whole mosquito bite aspect gets a little mundane. So I started looking elsewhere for companionship – this time, however, behind her small-titted back. This girl I found, her tits were obviously fake, but I didn’t care. Her pussy was real and so was her ass. And as long as those titties bounced when I rammed my hard meat into her, I didn’t care. As I pushed further into her, feeling myself begin to climax, the little slut – unlike the girlfriend – pulled me close and said, “I want to feel you cum inside me.”

Who’s going to pass an offer like that up?