strip tease

“She has a cute little body,” the man in the sunglasses told me. “I brought her over to strip for me. She had such a killer body. She must have been at least eighteen, but you know these girls these days look younger than they really are.”

I nodded in agreement.

The strippers on stage have never heard of Blaspheme, nor have they’ve seen anyone who met the description.

“There was this one girl,” the blond with the killer tits said, “but I think her name was Karina, though.”

The man in the sunglasses was my only lead and he was getting me nowhere.

“Blaspheme,” he continued, “was really into stripping. I picked her up at one of these joints and took her home with me. She gave me a free show, but that’s as far as she took it. I wanted to have sex with her, my cock was harder than fuck, but she just smiled and petted the head and went to the backroom to get dressed. I was a shame, too, because she had a killer pussy. They don’t make them like that at all. She’s a special one.”

Ladies and gentlemen, let me please reintroduce you to Blow Job’s older, yet more unattractive and messier brother, Hand Job. Yes, that’s right, cunts and boners, the hand job is desperate need of a rejuvenation, a rebirth – a renaissance of sorts. While many of your senior prom/high school memories contain your pimp-faced, brace-teethed girlfriend/boyfriend tugging at your hard meat, or fiddling with your pussy – you know the moments where you’re wish s/he’d just get down on there and lick around and suck so you can finally get off – you might think that the hand job was long and dead in your sexual career, but behold! It doesn’t have to be that way.

The hand job is the perfect birthday gift, a sure way to get your lover off without the problems of lock jaw, the smelly regions after a hard day’s work or the wandering pubic hair stuck between your teeth. And the best part of the hand job? You can perform it in front of your guest in the discretion of a table or blanket and will never catch you with your mouth on his Johnson or your tongue lapping at her hive.

So ladies and gentlemen, you can have your hand job today! All you have to do is ask and thou shall receive.